Hellsing Dress Ups!
by shadowfax272
Summary: It all started when Walter came in with Alucard's hat...now the whole of Hellsing is having a costume party! Hilarity ensues. Onceoff.


Hellsing

Alucard as Anderson

Seras as Integra

Walter as himself

Integra as Pip

Some random chick as Seras

Some random other chick as Alucard

Two random guys as the Valentine brothers

Random girl as Enrico Maxwell

* * *

Iscariot

Anderson as Alucard

Yumie as Seras

Heinkel as Integra

Enrico as himself

* * *

Walter walked along the corridor looking pretty full of himself. After all, he _was_ wearing Alucard's hat and glasses. He peered into a room where a couple of soldiers were drinking coffee.

"Hello there!" he cried, making a peace sign.

The soldiers burst out laughing: "Where did you get that?!"

Walter grinned and tipped up the hat.

"Alucard gave it to me for the day because I said it looked cool! Isn't it just exquisite?"

"You're still a wrinkly old fart though." One of the soldiers grinned.

Walter rolled his eyes and walked on to the next room, where a whole load of girls were congregating.

"He-llo, ladies!" Walter posed.

"Hi, Walter." The girls chanted simultaneously.

"Eee!" one of the girls screeched, doing a mock anime-style face.

"It's Alucard, he's sooooo hot!"

Everybody laughed, including Walter.

* * *

Later, Seras heard laughing coming from the room. Upon opening the door, she found a ridiculous sight. 

"I'm Alucard," one of the girls grinned, wearing Alucard's hat and glasses, "and all the girls think I'm hot!"

About half the girls gathered around. "Ooh, Alucard, you're so sexy!"

Meanwhile someone dressed as Seras came up.

"Get away, girls, Alucard's mine!"

Seras entered the room with a very disturbed look on her face.

"…What are you lot doing?"

Walter chuckled from the corner.

"We're playing dressups, do you want to join?"

Seras exited the room, to several disappointed groans by the populace.

She returned presently in massive glasses and a calico suit, with an enormous fake cigar dangling from her mouth.

"I'm Integra, and I'm in charge around here!" she said in a mock Integra voice, striking a pose. This sent the room into fits of hysterics.

Walter walked up to Seras.

"Would you like some tea, Integra?"

"Certainly, Walter."

"LOL" cried out someone from the corner.

Along comes another girl with a long blonde wig tied back in a ponytail, and an enormous bunch of yellow roses.

"Oh Integra, I love you so! Will you marry me?" pouted the fake Enrico.

"No, piss off!" 'Integra' cried, slapping 'Enrico'.

The girl dressed as Alucard comes along, putting one hand in a gun gesture.

"Back off Enrico. We don't want your kind here." She said, putting on an Alucard-grin.

* * *

Presently the real Alucard was walking past and his eye caught the room with the door slightly ajar. Upon peering in, he was deeply disturbed.

"Integra, why won't you love me?!" 'Enrico' cried.

"Because you suck!" Seras growled, waving around her fake cigar.

"Integra's mine and you know it!" 'Alucard' cried, making 'bang bang' noises.

"Oh no, I've been shot!" 'Enrico' fell to the ground, writhing around like a fish out of water.

"…I thought you liked Seras."

"I like both!" 'Alucard' cried with a grin.

The real Alucard stepped into the room.

"…What is going on here?"

About three-quarters of the girls in the room did a fangirl scream. The girl dressed as Alucard whistled innocently.

"…Is this some sort of parodying costume party?" Alucard inquired, still deeply disturbed.

"If we say yes, will you join in?" the girls pouted.

"…Just a moment." The vampire replied, leaving the room.

The fangirls screamed.

* * *

"…Master, can I borrow your glasses for a moment?" Alucard inquired, peering into Integra's office.

"…Why, what's going on?" Integra inquired.

"Oh, it's a…Halloween thing." Alucard hastily lied.

"Sigh…all right, but I want them back." Integra muttered.

* * *

Alucard re-entered the 'costume party' wearing Integra's glasses, a huge suit a bit lighter colour than Integra's and a huge makeshift cross around his neck.

"Aye Alucard, ye cannae escape this time!" he grinned at 'Alucard' in an insanely stupid Irish/Scottish accent, whipping out two kitchen knives from somewhere.

"Go get him Alexander!" 'Enrico' laughed from the floor, where she was still writhing around.

"I wonder…" Walter muttered, "if Iscariot do anything like this…"

Meanwhile…

"Rawr!" Anderson cried, wearing a painted-over cowboy hat and a red coat. His glasses had been done over with yellow lenses, and he was wearing a thick black wig.

"It's me Alucard, the monster! All fall before my wrath!"

"Oh Alucard, you're so hot and sexy!" Yumie cried in a Seras costume.

"That'll be enough of that, Alucard." Heinkel walked up in an Integra costume.

"Oh but Integra, don't make me mad, or I'll eat you!" Anderson cried, baring fake fangs.

"…You guys suck." Enrico muttered from the corner.

* * *

"On second thought, I'd rather not think about it." Walter shuddered.

"All right everyone, make a path down the middle!" Alucard cried, while the fake Alucard and fake Seras exited the room momentarily.

Alucard ran to the front of the room and picked up a random book, while Walter got on the piano and played a wedding song.

While the fake Alucard and Seras walked down the aisle, most of the audience could barely hold in their laughter.

Alucard cleared his throat, flipping open the book as if it was a Bible.

"We are gathered here t'day to witness der holy matr'mony of these two…things."

"If anyone wishes t' object to this union, speak nae or forever hold yer peace."

"No actually, if anyone wishes t' object, raise yer hand." Alucard raised his hand, as did 'Enrico' and 'Integra'. Most of the girls also did so.

"Well that's too bad, innit? Th' marriage stays, 'cos I wanna see th' look on Enrico's face."

'Enrico' looked mortified. Everyone laughed.

"All right…now lessee here…" Alucard flipped through the book. "Bla bla bla…vows…something about death…waffles. Okay. Y' may nae kiss th' bride."

BOOM. The door flung open to reveal a very angry-looking Integra.

"Just WHAT is going on here? Explain yourselves, all of you!"

Everyone in the room was silent. Someone passed wind.

"We're just having a bit of fun, Integra." Walter broke the silence.

"Would you like to join in?"

Integra narrowed her eyes and left the room.

There was silence.

BOOM. The door flung open again to reveal Integra dressed as…some sort of cowboy?

"I object!" 'Pip' cried, clutching flowers.

She ran up to the front of the room and grabbed 'Seras'.

"Don't marry this monster, Seras! I love you, and I'm way more attractive. Will you marry me?"

"NO WAI" 'Seras' cried, kicking 'Pip' in the head.

"Too late! Th' wedding is over, you lose. Let's go eat potatoes!" Alucard cried, throwing around kitchen knives.

"Oh no you don't!" the fake Alucard cried, jumping at Alucard's neck.

"Ahh! Enrico, I been bitten! Help me!" Alucard cried, flailing around.

"BLARGIDIEDFROMBULLETWOUNDS" 'Enrico' yelled, lying still.

Seras walked over to 'Enrico's corpse' and poked it, before 'Enrico' grabbed her ankle.

"I came back to life! Hahahahaha! Now will you marry me, Integra?"

"Get lost!" Seras cried, shoving her fake cigar in 'Enrico's face.

"Oh no you don't!" fake Alucard shouted, making more 'bang bang' noises.

"Oh no!" Walter shrieked. "Anderson's come back as a vampire!"

Alucard got up off the ground with an evil grin.

"Now y' really cannae kill me, Alucard! We're even!"

"You heathen! You're excommunicated!" 'Enrico' cried.

Alucard looked mortified. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-"

Integra laughed. "This has alleviated weeks of stress!" she cried.

"This has alleviated weeks of stress!" Seras (still dressed as Integra) cried mockingly, striking a pose.

Integra glared.

"…sorry, Miss Hellsing."

"That's Sir to you, Victoria."

Alucard ran around the room mock-biting everyone. He tried to bite 'Enrico' but exclaimed "I'M BURNING!" and fell to the ground screaming. Fake Alucard walked over and started laughing but fell over 'Enrico' and started 'burning' too.

"Noooo!" fake Seras cried, running over to fake Alucard.

Fake Alucard started to cough.

"Seras…before I die, I just want to let you know…I will always love you."

"Aw…" everyone said.

"YOU'RE MINE SERAS" Integra dressed as Pip screamed glomping 'Seras'.

"Curse you Pip!" fake Alucard cried, before dying.

'Enrico' and Alucard started to dance around the room.

"Yay, Alucard's dead! Rejoice!"

Just when it all seemed like a happy ending (or to the Iscariot folk anyway) the two male soldiers in the beginning of this fanfic came in dressed as the Valentine Brothers.

"F--K!" 'Jan' yelled happily upon entering the room.

"Where's Alucard?" 'Luke' inquired, pulling out his two M1 Garands.

"He's dead already." 'Enrico' grinned.

"F--K!" 'Jan' cursed.

"That's not f--king fair! I wanted to beat the st out of him! F--kf--kf--kf--kf--kingf--kf--kmotherf--ker!"

Seras sweatdropped. "He actually does talk like that…"

"Oh well," 'Luke' grinned. "I'll just shoot everybody else here."

But before he could raise his gun, 'Seras' got him with her rifle.

"BOOM, HEADSHOT!"

* * *

_Yeah, I guess that about ends it for now. Don't try this at home, kids. :P_


End file.
